Where’s my Refrigerator?

Frustration sets in, I don’t handle things as well as I should, I get flustered, anxious, angry, I flip out and lose my cool….my landlord is trying to get us a decent refrigerator  but buying one second hand is not working so good right now. The one they brought to us Monday was pouring water from the bottom of the piece and had dead roach bodies in the Freezer…I flipped out slammed the door and screamed…TAKE IT BACK and BRING ME ANOTHER ONE….it has been less than a month that , what appears to have been the same refrigerator that they just brought to me, it broke down …we lost all of our food. This time, just like the last time, we threw away 4 grocery bags of food…we had just gone to the grocery and the Farmers market.  I have to change my diet and eat healthy., I thought I did but no sugar, no refined white flour…GREEN veggies…I eat all of those plus..I’m a baker, I love sweets, they told me cancer FEEEDDDS on SUGAR…oh HELL NO… ..So many changes…my head just can’t take anything else. I tried meditating and usually I can go into a quite moment…my head would not stop this morning. Swirling thoughts of EVERYTHING all jumbled up. Still waiting on the “CALL” from the Rose for my treatment plan and what to do next. I feel my clock ticking away…I’ve always been a fighter for what I wanted in life…don’t tread on me…I will bite your head off and eat it for a snack. That the Scorpio Rising  bitch inside of me when pushed to the wall, she will come out with claws and teeth……and I don’t like her at all.   When she comes out, Katy bar the door!, My Mother use to say…I’m full of my Grandmothers and Mothers sayings and some of them aren’t even pretty but I learned all this from them. Of course, we all do…especially women I think…remaining calm is not an easy task for me. I was told over and over again by other women that my recovery depends on my attitude…80% of my recovery….CHANGE SAM CHANGE SAM… and nobody is giving me any rules that I can make override my crazy thinking. I’m listening and taking breaths…baby steps…trying to not get upset when things don’t go my way…learned behavior is HARD TO CHANGE….I’m breathing in breathing out…asking for help. Help Help Help….God has a plan. I’m where I’m suppose to be, I have lessons to learn…I GET ALL THAT but IT AIN’T EASY BABY….CHANGE OR DIE…my choice…hellsbells Instant gratification, grated cheese, use to be Polaroids now its digital…instant karma…fast fast faster….faster internet…now now now…what has the world become, my world…