This is a note that I was typing to a friend that I went to high school with in Memphis, Tenn. thought it would make a good blog entry:

Thanks Rick…I go Thursday to get my treatment suggestions. Have to quality for Medicaid….little worried about that, what if I can’t…then what? Life is full of tricks and few treats….poor old Rick Reed, do you think he thought he wasn’t coming back with his pizza? I’m in communication with his Mother…she is doting on me because I was the other person that the police called since Rick and I had been talking chatting on the phone. I enjoyed talking to him a lot. He thought no one liked him but me….and a few others but we had a certain bond. Now I’m friends with his Mom and we went to the SAME high School only 20 years apart!!!
And yes, the Rose is the MD Anderson pre cancer treatment here and that is who did all my testing….fuck fuck fuck…this sucks….I feel just fine, a little uncomfortable under my arm pit but to think I’m going to get sick and lose my energy and possibly my body parts and my glorious hair. Do you know how many people tell me how beautiful my hair is….? Yes, it will grow back and my eyebrows and my eyelashes…shit…guess I won’t have to shave in the other area either!!! hahaha…and no more chin hairs…yeah…I’m only going to wear pink and green wigs and wild and crazy hats……no fake looking hair…but I am pretty vain, what woman isn’t? maybe this is blog material…I started doing this to friends writing what I was thinking feeling and I thought I should write this down so other women could read it and know its okay to feel all this crazy emotions….When I had my hysterectomy in 1999, it took me forever to feel like a woman again. I had lost my uterus, my tubes, ovaries, then the surgeon yanked out my appendix and gall bladder….he gutted me like a friggin fish. I never lost my sexual urges and sexuality….and still haven’t…but now…I’m afraid…who am I going to be this time.???? I must grieve all over again for me, not for Chris my husband. I HATE this disease….I no longer call it BC, now I refer to it as GreenDodo….who wants dodo in their bodies except in the place it should be?  I am taking away its power over me!

Our refrigerator blew up AGAIN in less than a month of course right after Amie and I had gone to the grocery…and we spent over $100 on fresh organic food and veggies at the Farmers Market…I have to get off sugar, white flour and eat lots and lots of green vegetables….and our wonderful landlord lowered our rent and gave us $130.00 for groceries…damn, we just got through replacing everything we lost the last time…life sometimes can be just overwhelming…and then a little angel appears….

My friend Randy told me there is power in being bald, a certain intimidation…so watch out Houston…for a short bald woman…coming your way….

I will keep you posted on my treatments and my thoughts…I LOVE MY FRIENDS……they are holding me up….

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7 Responses to

  1. Lori says:

    Sammy Sue-
    You are a bright, shiny being of light! A little darkness can cloud any day – BUT you have the right attitude – baby steps – live in the NOW. There is NO other time than NOW. You will get through this – you HAVE unwavering support from ALL of us out here who love you TO LIFE! We don’t just love your boobs and hair – we love ALL of you! The inside – WHO YOU REALLY ARE – is the clencher for us!

    Don’t ever forget that you are TRULY loved. Love conquers ALL and we’re right here to SHOWER you with it!

    Stay strong and VIBRANT and we’ll get you through this, I promise!

    Love you!
    Lori

  2. Michael-Ann says:

    Green dodo?! That is perfect Sam! Now as often as you can, meditate and visualize all your good cells shoveling that shit right out of you like the biggest, baddest, and fiercest shit-shovelers the world has ever seen!

    SCOOP, OUT! SCOooOP, OUT!

    Good morning woman… love you!

  3. I love you Michael-Ann…see we are always on the same page…just my same thoughts….

  4. linda hardy says:

    Sam I’m so sorry. I have tears in my eyes for you. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this shit. I just don’t know what to say or do. I’ll definately be at the benefit! and if you need anything, ANYTHING, please call, you have my number!

  5. Groovy Donna says:

    Sam, You have always been an inspiration to me, YOU were one of the reasons I opened my Hippy Shop and you are a leader.. so move foreward and Kick this S**T’s ass… YOU can do this. and so you wont be the brightest red head in the group.. you will have Green hair Like Groovy and we will be sisters. Or we will get Pink wigs to match my clown shoes.
    Enjoy today.. as you said.. it is now that is important. I am so Glad God has brought you back into my world… or Facebook

    • Wow Donna, I never knew that…you are so sweet. I remember your beautiful boys. I’m sure they are all growed..up now and have lives of their own. Call me anytime and here is my number…832 748 2470…..Sam

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