Back from the Land of OZ (Beware! contains graphic photos of surgery)

Day #3 of radiation and I’m going to count it by weeks since there is 6 weeks of this stuff. It makes me kinda feel weird to know that I’m getting radiation pointed to my chest right at my heart. The assistants/nurses/chicks/whateveryoucallthem, told me that when I take a deep breath it moves my heart back from my chest wall thus protecting the heart and I wear little goggles with a video inside to help me do this. It has a yellow line and a blue box..and you artist know what color blue and yellow make when you mix them together…???ticktockticktock..the answer is GREEN…and as long as I keep the yellow line inside the blue box it stays green, my heart isn’t getting any radiation…NICE HUH? Well, it still makes me feel awfully strange, scared and leary.   But I can only believe that this is necessary for my health to kill off anymore dangerous fast dividing growing cancer cells that maybe got left behind…or laying dormant…it is such a scary thought for anyone that has had cancer. We do live with that fear daily…but somehow, I’m going to push it aside and try to live my life normally as I can. I will be a slave woman to MDA for 5 years, I wonder if they are going to make me wear a slave outfit…you know the kind that is sheer, flowing skirts with coins attached and bells and make me dance? I hope so…cause I love to wear costumes and I sure can make them myself…I love costuming and I love to dance…two good things in one. I think my creative slightly wacky mind has gotten me through the rough spots of this damn disease. And yes, I called you a damn disease…stay the fuck away from me, ya hear.

I’m in a pretty good mood for the time being. Need to get moving on getting a   job, a new place to live or a roommate to replace the one I have now…love conquers  all and makes people do strange things like move in together…good luck Kids…ya gonna need it.

As I stated before, my chin and mustache hairs are growing back rapidly and in 6 short months I have forgotten how you have to check these little buggers every day cause they grow like weeds. I had such a crop this afternoon it made me laugh….as I plucked away. Sorta missed doing all this and must get back in the swing of my normal grooming…I know this might be TMI for some of the guy readers out there but too bad, it’s a way of life.

Now, you are seeing the pictures I posted….the door to MY RADIATION ROOM. It is 6 inches thick so I’m the one that gets all the nasty juice not the nurses. The radiation machine is mine for the time being, you must go to the same machine because it knows your settings, my cradle that I lay in. The blue part was molded to my body and I have to lay the very same way each time as to make sure I get the juice in the same place each time. And last but not least is my Picasso….done by the wonderful ladies on my now boy chest. My chest is no longer a private thing and since there is no actual  breast anymore, It doesn’t make me feel weird in showing it and I know I had never seen a mastectomy   before…don’t look if it makes you feel sick… This may take some of the scariness out of radiation for anyone about to have it done to them.  You can’t feel a thing and not much in the side effects department except they tell me you get tired and of course, you skin will burn if you don’t properly take care of it with the right kind of lotions. Funny, however, they suggest a product to use on my chest that contains petroleum products and I’m trying to not use more natural products. So, it’s either coconut oil or some Vitamin K with aloe and cocoa butter creme for me.

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8 Responses to Back from the Land of OZ (Beware! contains graphic photos of surgery)

  1. Michael-Ann says:

    Sam, you are awesome and amazing and you are so kicking cancer’s ass… love you woman. p.s. plucking my chin whiskers as I type this. f*cking whiskers.

  2. Leslie Sirag says:

    Your chest made me think of a Pete Seeger song: “I’m gonna wrap myself in paper, I’m gonna dab myself with glue, Stick some stamps on top of my head, I’m gonna mail myself to you!” Maybe because soe of the markings look like an envelope on my screen.
    Contoured couch, huh? Maybe you could just get them to let you move in there for 6 weeks!
    Glad this part isn’t as awful for you as the chemo.
    Aloe’s good for burns, but if things get bad ask them to prescribe some silvadene–it’s what’s used for motorcycle tailpipe burns & is truly magic. But it sounds as though what they’re mainly trying to do is keep your skin hydrated enough so that it won’t scab & scar & feel tight & make you want to rip it off.
    Love the slave girl costume idea! You are amazing! Leslie

    • As usual Leslie, you are so sweet…thanks for all you have done for me, it does not go unnoticed. You are one in a million Lady…we don’t even know each other except here on this faceless computer screen…but no, I think I do know you. If you walked into a room, I think we would need no introduction at all…we are sisters at the heart. I have that product in my cabinet, the silverdene from a freak accident that happened last year…won’t go into that one…so, I hope it doesn’t get that bad but believe me, you will see a pic of it here on my blog if it does. I woke up with it itching badly this morning. Itchy skin is so bad and I have it in the worse way. The chemo dries you out so bad. My feet have hunks of skin just peeling off…and I lube them up every night before bed with cocoa butter but nothing seems to help. They just look pretty while in bed…lolololol…got to drink more coffee you..have a fantastic day…Sam

  3. Ken Hoge says:

    Sam, you are such a trooper, everything you experience becomes a creative outlet. Even your Picasso is beautiful because you own it. I know you’d rather not but when life gives you lemons you make margaritas. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Somehow, seeing what you see, it makes me less worried about you and that is a nice gift.

    PS I can see the dancing slave girl working nicely for you….

  4. Love you Ken..I have no idea where the slave girl came from…lolololol….I don’t even edit that stuff when I write and sometimes, I look back and say…WHAT WAS I THINKING…lolololol….lets go have a Margarita soon….

  5. jewelz says:

    I hate to say it but USE THE UN-NATURAL LOTION!! Really. If you can bring yourself to do it you will save yourself so much misery. You do not want to get to the point where you need to bring on the domeboro because of the burns.

    OK, stepping off my fucking soapbox. Again. I know you will do what works best for you, I just had to get that off my chest (harhar). Been there, done that, wish I’d listened to the nice folks who do this every day and speak from experience and really don’t want you to burn and hurt and have to take a break from treatment.

    Sorry, I thought that soapbox was a dinner chair. Love ya!

  6. Noreen says:

    How are you doing, Sam? Is radiation finished? I found that the hardest part of my whole treatment — which was totally unexpected for me. Maybe I was just tired at that point? This time of year marks the anniversary of my diagnosis. I am once again surprised by the feelings this brings! Hope you are well. You are often in my thoughts and prayers. Noreen

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