I Wear EyeShadow and Mascara Now

Went last night at 9pm to MDA to get a shot to boost my blood count back to normal. Put the needle in my stomach and I didn’t even feel the prick…don’t know what I would have felt like this morning without it because that Mack truck that hit me last time I got  chemo is BACK this morning. I don’t feel so good today, shaky, nauseous a bit, just trying to fight it to not go down so bad as I did last time. The incisions in my chest for my port hurt this morning, a little achy and itchy…but that will pass so with a little majjic cookie. I have never never been a good sick girl. I will walk through the pain to get to the other side so when you see me really feeling down, just know that I am pretty sick. And this odd way of making a person sick to to make them well,  just blows my mind.!! When I found out I had cancer, I wasn’t in pain, I wasn’t nauseous except for the obvious emotional pain.  After you start treatment, your body feels like it’s revolting against you in all shapes and forms and ways you cannot imagine unless you walk in my shoes or another person in this situation. Every normal body function that you have goes haywire and refuses to work properly….it is a tad bit scary at times trust me on that! I am going to stuff myself with food, phobics, soups, water water water, veggies, smoothies, ginger tea,  majic cookies, majic mouthwash (mouth inside is now getting funky again), a few little drugs that have been described to me and try to sleep and smile a lot when I’m awake. I am fighting this like with everything I got left in me. I got a party on Christmas eve, a party on Christmas day and a date for new Years eve damn it fucking cancer and chemo….and you aint gonna stop me. If I stumble, somebody will be there to help me not fall, I got friends to hold me up and cheer me up. You would not believe how many hats, wigs, and helping hands I have come upon. I feel so blessed to know so many people and have a support group. They are there when I need them and leave me alone if I need that too.

Chemo has already tried to remodel me…but I beat her to it…I cut my hair off when it started falling out…..then when it started hurting my scalp what hair I had left,  I had my friend Robyn shave my head completely. And yesterday, I went out in public with my bald head to lunch, Texas Art and Disco Krogers in Montrose and noone said a word to me about my baldness or stared at me and if they did I didn’t notice or cared. This is my badge of courage!  Then I got some new vintage glass frames from my other dear friend Lori that got them from her 89-year-old Mother and had my prescription put in them! I  got new glasses with a bolder look and they are from the 1950s era when glasses were made from aluminum and have little rhinestones on the sides…I love my new look…and I have chosen to become a blond for a year too…hahaha…but you might see me in a screaming green wig or pink wig…or bright cherry red cause the girls came running to me with bags of wigs, even a couple of old drag queen wigs!!! HAHAHA  .  So the cancer can’t recognize me!! HAHAHA….I am wearing eye shadow and mascara again, which I gave up years ago for special occasions only…already lost a ton of weight….and I try to exercise by walking and doing yoga stretches at home when I can.  I meditate and pray and write in my grateful journal daily and try to write on this blog some more of my feelings. You pretty much get the real me here, I have never pulled any punches and say what I mean right out loud, honestly.   Always dress up when I go to MD Anderson, except that time I had to be rushed to the hospital, had on my jammies…So here is what I have to say…..FUCK YOU CANCER…can’t have my ass!!!! I’ll beat you into the ground…don’t fuck with this Half Tennessee Half Texas woman….I’ll show you who is boss of my body.

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2 Responses to I Wear EyeShadow and Mascara Now

  1. helene says:

    Hi Sam,
    Wishing you some feel better angels ….. i was gonna text and then read this. Shhhh i am working … don’t tell no one!!LOL
    Good to hear you kicking back !!!! Catcha Later

  2. Leslie Sirag says:

    Hope your partyin’ hearty, laughing a lot, and giving your body all the nutrition you can keep down. Thanks fr the bday wishes. Will post abt that on my blog in a bit.

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