Wigs vs Bald? Which Shall it Be Today? Vomit vs Constipation? Hmmmmmmm

Go to bed at 9:30pm then wake up at 2:30am and think you have slept a whole night is pretty bad. It’s hard on your body, not to mention your brain function. But I finally rolled out a couple of minutes ago and felt the need to write.

Today is the first day of my chemo and I’m resolved to get this over with. I have 5 treatments, 3 weeks apart. I start 24 hours before taking 4 steroid pills for the next 3 days. My physician said these mine make you jumpy. She wasn’t kidding and sleepless. I helped to start a new Vintage and Art Market in my neighborhood on this past Sunday and the pills hit me about the time I finished setting up my booth. I turned into a super woman with a mouth. I was running all around the market chatting up the other vendors and if there had been walls, I would have been bouncing from side to side, but we were on a parking lot so I used people to bounce off of. I was quite amused but jittery. So, at around 10am this morning, I will start the first round of chemo. I have spoken to several ladies that have gone through and are in the process and they all tell me not to worry and a few tips on how to deal with this whole idea. Never in a million years did I think I would be doing something like this. Cancer was not one of the dreaded diseases that my family is prone to. I have a very good friend going with me for the whole day for moral support but I am more worried about how she is going to react to all the ill people in the chemo room. No, I can’t think about my reaction to the drugs and the after effects it is going to have on me today….my skin, my mouth, my hair,the energy loss, the nausea,  the physical things that could happen after today and each treatment. This cancer that I have  is aggressive, her2 positive but so am I. so let’s start a fight and see who wins here…..I am a starter of things, a shaker and a mover and this shit has knocked my socks off temporarily and now we are on round two to KILL YOU…..But, I worry about my friend’s reaction to being with me all day in such a sad place of sick people everywhere because that is just the way I am, I take care of other people and letting someone take care of me is hard.   All this horrible stuff to deal with to get this C out of me and cure me so I can go on with my life. I have to make a decision of what to do with my hair. Let if fall out by the handfuls or cut it off myself and donate it to Locks of Love, and then shave myself bald?………………long pause…….and look like a cancer victim?”””””””””’not me?  Please don’t be shocked when you see me for the first time.  A lot of people tell me that since I have such thick hair I may not lose it. They are not in the medical community. They say the truth, who do I believe? It hurts when people say, “oh,don’t worry,  it will grow back”, it’s not their hair they are talking about! Do you have any idea how long it took for my hair to get to this length? I do not look good with short hair at all. My crowning glory. I got my Mother’s beautiful hair and my Dad’s side of the family with the color which is white!  I’ve been dying my lovely hair since I was in my 20s…turned gray pretty early on, family history of premature graying and my hair grows pretty fast. Then I hear it grows back different from before, curly, straight, darker, whiter…oh my………..I could probably make wigs for 5 children out of my thick hair ……I wish this country was as advanced as Europe with the polar caps so people don’t lose their hair when they get chemo for cancer. (see earlier post) our dignity is being stripped as it is now ..okay…….whatever………..

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIGHT THIS DISEASE AND KILL YOU INSIDE ME CANCER. I WANT MY LIFE BACK NOW. I’M NOT PATIENT I GOT LOTS OF STUFF TO DO. THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY CRAPPY INCONVENIENCE AND IT DOES MAKE ME MAD.

Oh the nausea medication gives you constipation so you don’t throw up. Then you have to take medicines to stop and prevent that…and wait for days to feel like your stomach is not going to explode…Should I take it? What fun is that? I think I’ll go the medicinal way with no side effects, Thank you.

The irony of life!

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8 Responses to Wigs vs Bald? Which Shall it Be Today? Vomit vs Constipation? Hmmmmmmm

  1. Scherry White Strickland says:

    Sam – I may have told you this but my husband did not lose his hair! The nurses could not believe it! Of course over the years he had lost some of his as men do and is getting bald! We would find a little on his pillow at night but he kept his. So maybe this will happen to you!! I hope so!!

  2. Randy Keith says:

    I think you look darling with short hair. One of your first photos with Chris its short and everytime I see it I think how young it makes you look! Donate it by all means – it’ll make you feel good about sharing it rather than losing it. Go kick chemo’s ass today, Girlfriend. Show caner who’s the boss!! Love you dearly!!!

    • Ann (Sedberry)Rodgers says:

      Your right Randy, she is adorable with short hair. Sam is so pretty anyway, it doesn’t matter Sam….about hair or boobs…..just you….is all that matters…just get through this…don’t worry about the outer shell. I promise it doesn’t matter. Bald would really look nice on you. I go for wigs beause my head is so small. But I can see your shining bright head as intensly beautiful. Just go…however you feel like.

  3. P.A. Mueller says:

    Your raw, honest, full-throated writing digs into my soul. A good thing. An honest thing. A you thing.
    Before my 1st spine operation, my father gave me a get well card. Decades later I still have it. It’s a silly card and what makes me smile about it is that it is a card for a wife! Dad liked the card and didn’t see that part until it was too late to get another. So he just crossed that part out and wrote my name. Anywho…at the bottom of the card he wrote “If wishing could make it so…I’d be taking you home tonight.” The thought of this massive, powerful, gentle man left to do no more than simply wish he could lift his loved one into his arms and take her pain away makes my knees weak. I held his big, rough hand and told him all the things we tell people. I was angry w/my body for causing this lovely man such distress. As mother spirits…we worry about others. We look to throw out emotional pillows to soften their falls.
    Onto you I offer my father’s simple words…if wishing could make it so….
    Massive hugs,
    P.A.

  4. Sudawilson says:

    Sam, I will be thinking about you today and if you need anything, please call me! Let me hear from you later if you can. Hugs, Cindy ((((((((Sam)))))))))

  5. Angela Obenhaus says:

    Sam, I am wishing you the best. Just wanted to let you know that John’s mom eventually shaved her head, after it began falling out gradually. She had and now has long thick hair like you. It did grow back curly at first, but the longer it grew, the more it returned to it’s previous condition. I think the best thing to do is wait and see if it starts coming out, then get it cut short…It is winter, and I BET you have a TON of cute hats. You always look so cute. The important thing is that YOU are comfortable as possible. And heck, wigs are neat too…I know they keep one warm.

    You are such an honest person…I can feel it in your words. You could really come out on top of this and help other people battling this horrid disease!

  6. miz jewelz says:

    Are you doing adreomycin and/or cytoxan? (sp) Those are the ones that caused my hair loss. It started coming out on day 15. I opted to cut then shave it off because it itched so bad! If you lose yours, you could make some kiddos very happy. And the hats! It may sound weird but I enjoyed the hats. If I couldn’t have the hair I was gonna ROCK the hats. I’m betting you have an awesome collection, Sam. (and I thought your short hair photo was great… very cute) You got the fashion thing going on.

    You’ve done such a great job of dealing with the C and now you’re finally in the ring to fight it with the fightin’ drugs. DING!

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