YEs, they are….back to MDA this morning for my first appointment bright and early at 9 am and went to radiologists Oncologist…can you believe I can spell that without using spell check? !! HAHAH…A..ha…and this beautiful white-haired woman came in and introduced herself to me and said, “Well what is your first name Ms VanBeeeber”…and I said, “My friends all call me Sam and it’s Van B I B B E R….I might as well get over it cause not but 2 people have pronounced my name correctly…so, she said, “Sam, I have some good news for you, we have FOUND YOUR TUMOR”….and I said “WHAT WHERE” and she said,” in your breast where they did the biopsy.”…I was so overwhelmed with this unexpected news my emotions overtook me and I cried and cried and sobbed like a little baby girl…Sobbing and sobbing…I could hardly catch my breath. I was not expecting them to tell me this, I wasn’t mentally prepared…but the good news is that NOW…they have a target, NOW they know for sure that the cancer found under my arm pit in my lymph nodes is for sure BREAST CANCER and I didn’t even know that they were thinking otherwise. They kept that little tidbit to themselves and I thank them for that because, I think I subconsciously knew this but would not allow it to come full-out in my mind. It would have been too much for me to take in. This whole damn cancer thing is too much for ANYONE to take in. SO NOW…step two…go to the Breast Cancer physician tomorrow and find out about my chemo. When it is going to start, and I suspect next week after turkey, how long, how often….all that mess. Then if the tumor shrinks enough, they can remove it with a lumpomectry instead of taking my whole breast. I cannot tell you how wonderful news this is. It’s called breast conservation! THANK YOU GOD…THANK EACH AND EVERY PERSON OUT THERE FOR THE PRAYERS…THEY WORKED…Now. Help me thorough this next phase of this, make the chemo work, so they only have to take a tiny bit of tissue out of me, then the radiation starts. There is a target to aim the chemo at and the radiation. The underarm cancer is still her2 but the tumor hasn’t been all the way through pathology quite yet to find out if it is the same. It can be a different type of cancer.All this is completely new to me and many of you out there reading this too. I am really not excited about the side effects of chemo or the radiation but this means I will get well…its going to be a long year…its already been a long 7 months since I first noticed the lump under my arm. I have so much to be grateful for on Thanksgiving, well I am every day I walk on this planet but this is extras special…..
NOW….the other place that I was going to, the other Oncologist, the other surgeon, all wanted me to have surgery first, hope to find the tumor and then start chemo. I knew this was wrong…I just knew in my gut, my gut instinct was right…you know what, It is all the time, just like yours….we must learn to follow our gut instinct. I got a reply on facebook from an old class mate from high school that said I was weird because she has never known anyone that was happy that a cancer tumor had been found. I guess she hadn’t been keeping up with my blog. I wish I didn’t have cancer, I wish I didn’t have to go through all this but I know this is all for some reason, some lesson I have to learn in life. I’m learning God…I’m listening and hearing you loud and clear. I know the chemo is going to not be a fun thing but with the help of some of the most wonderful people who I call my friends…I can make it through to the other side. My roommate is here with me and she is going to help me as much as possible. If I disappear from the scene, please don’t forget me, call me or come by and see me. I will be lonely for company. I’m just trying to prepare myself for the worse in case I need too.
Later I will write about the first experience that I got when I tried to go to MD Anderson the first time and all the backlash from that which is going on now. There is much more to that part of this story. I’m off to a birthday party to dance and smile and be with friends.
Thank everyone again for all the prayers and well wishes and coming to my benefit. Thank you, thank you thank you…..Sam