Is Bald Really Beautiful? Me Think Not!

Went to MD Anderson yesterday and started yet another journey. I must say, I’m impressed with MD Anderson. And NOW they are addressing my first attempt in getting treatment there. If I had gone there in the first place, I would be at least further along than I am now but like I always say, It is what it is and everything happens for a reason. But what I am concerned about is the new fact that my previous Physicians never told me the type of cancer that I have. My previous post today just explained my cancer, her2. I am not too happy about the whole process much less the cancer that I apparently have in my body. Seems its pretty bad, treatment is pretty aggressive because the cancer is very aggressive. Damn…and I have to have all my test redone because of the aggressive cancer cells. So today and tomorrow, I will be at MD Anderson getting all sorts of testing done some of the same ones that I already have had done except for the heart imaging. I have a leaky valve and the type of medicine that I will be taking can cause congestive heart failure.  Isn’t that nice? So, I will be constantly monitored to make sure my heart can even take it in the first place. Lots of side effects…damn…right now, I will start sometime next week with the chemo…for 5 months, once every three weeks and then radiation after that and then they might discuss surgery for removal of my left breast. Of course, I will get replacement but it may not even have to happen. Its a wait and see situation. All  I know is, I want this to be over, I want to be well and I don’t want this to be happening to me.

I must let everyone know that my memory and concentration is really off right now. Well, it has been since I got my diagnose. I’ve gone through stages of mental confusion. And forgetfulness and this is normal for someone with cancer but it sure doesn’t help me to know this. It’s frustrating, I repeat myself and its embarrassing. This whole damn thing is embarrassing…losing my hair is embarrassing…I’m already a nut…and this is making me a nut in the wrong kind of way. Cancer and the treatments tear a person down…it just not fair. Sometimes, however, I can seperate myself from myself and its like I’m watching a movie of me…does that make sense? I’m me, but I’m also standing over there talking to the doctors, nurses, technicans and sometimes even my friends…even writing this blog. I reread what I’ve written and I don’t know where its coming from and I’m surprised at what I have written. Its like I’m possessed by demons…lolololol….some of them are good demons and a few are bad bad bad…lololol….I think that is my normal side, the little naughty demons. The fun ones that I can call up at any time…. I guess you know I’m rambling now.

So, I’m going to the big cancer hospital…its big and scary but comforting at the same time. I am very impressed at the waiting rooms that have lots of aquariums with beautiful fish, soothing colors surround you, paintings of tress and happy places to calm people down. I have a huge amount of paperwork to read and keep up with and numbers of medical records to remember, my name is now a  number and I have my own web page of my condition and treatment plans and my appointments and my test results…..  I am going to my next appointment today by myself…I didn’t ask anyone to go with me. My car is suppose to be fixed….and I plan on making a trip to find out the best place to park and take the rail into MD next week. Its way too expensive to park there for me or for most anyone…parking is $12.00 a visit…that’s a lot for someone unemployed as I am…I think I live on air anyway..lololol Ok, I may write again about my experiences today but I have to run and get dressed……I do appreciate everyone of you reading my blog and I love my friends, I’m so blessed to have so many people like me…little ole me from Memphis, Tennessee….

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4 Responses to Is Bald Really Beautiful? Me Think Not!

  1. P.A. Mueller says:

    Angels on your shoulders, baby girl.

  2. Scherry White Strickland says:

    Hand in there girl and take one day at a time! Still thinking and praying for you!

  3. Barbara Cochran says:

    You are a very strong person and will make it thru this situation!! Love you, my friend. Barbara

  4. Leslie Sirag says:

    Good that there’s a wait & see on the breast.
    Doesn’t Anderson stamp your parking ticket so it’s free? All hosps/med ctrs here do that–ask abt it!
    Read the article on palliative care I posted on FB a day or so ago & marked READ THIS! I’m not suggesting not treating the cancer aggressively, just that sme of the other stuff could be added to make the jurney lass painful.

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