Just Damn It

Well, just don’t know where to go on this one. Wednesday I’m finding out more about my illness and last night I either blew the engine block by cruising in the World Art Car Cruise or there was a problem when I bought it less than a month ago. I had a good old friend volunteered to come by after work and see what he thought…  fan won’t turn so the engine heats up. Pretty much devastated at the moment.  Can hardly type this blog. I’m so trying to find the blessing in this…cause it just can’t be bad news, bad shit again.  I was just trying to have some fun and be a part of the group driving my newly acquired art car. Seemed like the thing to do for her, drive her around and let people enjoy the car. It always made little kids happy…they waved at me and smiled from ear to ear…I don’t even know what to do at this point. I don’t have to explain my circumstances again….

IF you can only imagine how so very hard I’m trying not to get upset more than I am.   Everybody, says to me, you have to stay positive Sam….stay positive Sam….or you won’t make it through this! I have people scolding me tellin me not to be negative when I write something on face book and they “take it” the wrong way and think I’m complaining or being negative…don’t you know how hard this is…and I just don’t know…I guess I have to hit my knees harder.  The urge to cuss a lot right now is overwhelming and I want to throw shit against the wall…

I’ll figure it out….

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6 Responses to Just Damn It

  1. linda hardy says:

    While you do have to try and stay positive, you also have to LET IT OUT! And if this or FB is the best way for you to LET IT OUT, THEN LET IT OUT!!!! You’ll explode if you don’t. I’m so sorry about the car. Did you talk to the person who sold it to you?

  2. Rick Luther says:

    I read all your stuff, and I think you are incredibly UN-negative. Tell the nay-sayers that their negativity causes you more stress than anything else.

    • Thanks Rick….I think you “GET ME”….more than most people….well, some do here but some that don’t even know me as well as you do and I know them pretty well….they just can’t figure me out. My thoughts are so twisted right at the present moment….I am going to have to walk or jump up and down…I have to get centered..

  3. P.A. Mueller says:

    Do what you gotta do. Get it all out! No one knows your journey like you do.

  4. Leslie Sirag says:

    Sam, you just cuss & throw (preferably not things that will cut your feet if you walk on them later) as much as you need to. Positive is fine, real is necessary. & tell anyone who’s telling you how you “should” feel where they can stick it. There are no “shoulds” about feelings except that stuffing them, esp in this situation, is really bad. So sure, dance, play, live till you die (which is bound to happen eventually, but no point in stopping to wait for it) be positive about your life, but nt about the alien invader trying to take over your body, and not about cars that break down. & BTW, the KISS theory applies here, esp since you mentin the fan–get someone to check all the belts, make sure they’re there & adjusted properly–that COULD be most of the problem. Check your water level too.
    My experience suggests that people who know what they’re doing with cars smetimes bypass the simple & obvious in their eagerness to diagnose.
    I hope it’s something like that–even if the fan problem’s a belt & the head gasket is blown, you may be able to drive it until you have a chance to get it fixed.
    Hang in there. The universe is not agsainst you, it just feels that way sometimes.

    • Yeah, it does feel that way sometime Leslie…and do you know where the info is on the missing tumor stuff? I can’t find anything that isn’t what I already know….not looking forward to more cancer shit n Wednseday…I want to turn back the clock.

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