Had appointment with oncologist today. Bone and Pet scan was clear except a small spot right by my collar-bone on the left side. Oncologist met with my surgeon that removed my cancerous lymph nodes and they decided that I should have a mastectomy of the left breast, reconstruction if I choose and then start chemo and radiation after that. Said, there was no sign of a tumor in my breast. Well, as of this minute, I am free of cancer because all the lymph nodes were all removed. The problem is that the primary tumor is missing, or has never been present large enough for physical examination or for even the pet scan to show. They still have to test my pathology reports to find out if I’m hormone receptor positive and I may not be saying that right so correct me if you know on this one. A lot depends on this test and why has it not been done yet? I have no idea and the oncologist doesn’t either so he is going to take care of that tomorrow. After the initial shock of just going into that office and hearing once again the word cancer, chemo, losing my breast and hair have on me, I start thinking …wait a minute, if I have no primary tumor, then why do I must have the removal of the breast. If it’s that tiny, shouldn’t the chemo take care of this as well as the tiny lymph node problem by my collar-bone? Shouldn’t I get chemo first and radiation before any cutting more is done on me? In fact, I went to Memorial Northwest Hospital with their cancer specialist in a conference panel. This group of Doctors, oncologist, radiologists thought and this is without seeing any of my reports, I should have chemo first, radiation and then surgery if needed. The oncologist there was a grandfatherly type, been in business for 35 years, very comforting in his knowledge and he takes Medicaid…I got his card and going to seek a second opinion. I do like my two doctors that I have now but I really don’t want to lose my breast if at all possible. Just, the reconstruction surgery that I wish to get is an 8 hour operation alone and its done at the same time the mastectomy which I haven’t found out how long that one is…it totally freaks me out to be unconscious for that long. And I found out since my problem is on the left side, the radiation can affect my heart and I could developed heart disease, heart attack and my heart is already compromised from a birth defect…ain’t this some shit…. They keep telling me that this is not a normal case…that is not comforting at all and just like pregnancy, menopause, no two breast cancer patients are alike…no two treatments are alike. I just want to sit and have someone else make all these decisions for me, I’m tired, I’m confused and scared of making the wrong decision. Oh, yes, I will pray over it and think about it and ask one million questions but I don’t want to have any what if’s…having dense breasts is something I found out tonight that a younger woman has, older ladies, like myself usually the breasts become less dense with age…mine are as dense as they were at 20 which makes this whole case more difficult because they can’t see the smallest tumors. I spend hours online researching, making phone calls for appointments, then going to doctors, crying takes a lot of time too and you cannot help but cry to release the anxiety. He gave me something for the anxiety that I experience but all it will do is numb me and make me groggy…I think I will stick to medicinal methods, at least I know how that makes me feel and I recover and am not groggy for the rest of the day…a non functioning person.
Do you are anyone out there have a similar situation or know of someone who has had a missing tumor with breast cancer…? If you do can you tell them to contact me if they would talk to me? Non primary tumor, it’s called. Hello, leave to me to have a weird body or shall I blame it on my Mother?
I’m exhausted and to top everything off, my a/c now does not work, the fan won’t even come on and there is a light on my dash that says service lit up… on my new car…I just can’t take much more….