My Name is Dorothy from Oz…and I live in a fantasy World

I feel like Dorothy from Oz….flying through the air, not knowing where she is going to land…and totaly confused when she does. She sees all these creatures that talk and walk upright. A lion, a scarecrow….a tin man..these are all characters in my life right now too.And everyone is so confused…my surgeons, my oncologist, the radiologist…”I don’t know why I’m doing this Ms.VanBibber, I don’t see a tumor on the screen!”…..”yes, you will need a mastectomy of the left breast now Ms.VanBibber”…and a pet scan to see if the cancer has spread to other parts of your body!” No, Medicaid will probably not pay for it…but we will try to see if it will”.  No, you don’t have to lose your breast Ms.VanBibber, just a lumpectomy to remove the aggressive cancerous lymph nodes….that should do it. ” Well, I am looking at your records Ms.VanBibber, and there is a tumor in your left breast and it is a .6 as the biopsy showed….,said someone at MD Anderson, but but, I didn’t have a biopsy of my breast, said I…Well, it says right here and I can’t argue with you Ms.VanBibber, this paperwork says you did…but I know I didn’t…WTF….whose paperwork and biopsy are you looking at? NOT MINE!!.

WTF….I’m so confused…scared…angry…pissed off….trying not to be….remaining calm….being positive…screamin in my pillow….crying my eyes out….hurting in pain….swollen up like a fat tick in my arm….need to work…need t clean my house….don’t feel like moving a muscle…feel like dancing…want to create….laughing one minute and turns to crying….can get motivated….crying again…laughing and having a great time…life…sometimes it just catches you with your pants down and slaps you on the ass when you least expect it.

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