Being a Big Baby is no fun or SubTitle Why I hate PINK

There is no way to escape it….it’s everyfucking where you look…women in pink running down the street blocking traffic for miles.  Went to Kroger to do a little shopping this afternoon, my Quaker oaks red and blue box had turned pink with pink ribbon on the bottom, everything is pink, the mushrooms were in a pink Styrofoam box, pink pink pink….on the front of every magazine in the check out line, pink ribbons, pink pink pink…I am reminded by the minute that I have breast cancer. My thoughts are no longer my own I can’t put it out of my mind for even a second unless I’m at home and not watching TV, it’s all over TV commercials…it’s big business…money maker I say…. I don’t know why I’m so depressed, maybe because I look up in the sky and there is a pink ribbon cloud…and yesterday, everyone that hadn’t seen me in a while and some that just saw me yesterday all came in to hug me on my left and especially large men. They would grab me and pull me into their chest and smash my arm underneath them…with a bear hug…and I love to be hugged, not do misinterpret this…. but my left arm is still swollen up like a fat tick full of somebody dogs blood and it HURTS…noone ever meant to hurt me of course, I know that. But it was so painful yesterday and sometimes they would pat me on the arm and it made my skin burn when anyone touches me on that side. I’m not complaining  but its ironic…something that should be so good, feel so good…to hurt…Bitch bitch bitch…Sorry, my day has been a little of our sorts today. Just running heavy on my mind. I go Wednesday to a NEW doctor, my oncologist…everyone needs one, don’t they? My life is on virtual HOLD….hate this like you would not believe. I’m being a big baby right now…

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2 Responses to Being a Big Baby is no fun or SubTitle Why I hate PINK

  1. Sudawilson says:

    No, you are not being a big baby. Anyone faced with what you are going through would be feeling the same way. It’s a road no one wants to travel but remember you are not alone. I’m only a phone call away and I’ve told you that you can call ANYTIME! Don’t be scared alone! Hugs, Cindy

  2. Leslie Sirag says:

    Whining is OK. Just no stiff uppr lip & tight jaw.
    Oct. is aparently breast cancer awareness month & I was thinking of youand irony when I heard that.
    Maybe you can paint a shirt or even a drape/capelet with a wild design & “hug other side please!” to wear on your left?
    Keep being who you are & how you are, Sam – that part of you i just fine.
    We’re expecting a grandbaby probabl between now & WWed, so I may be offline for some of that time, but will check back i to hear abt the oncologist.
    As someone else I know and treasure says, Walk strong, Sister Friend.

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