Not so Good Today

I am very very tired…my energy is GONE and it scares me….to death. I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday to talk about the results of the lymph nodes and mass and hopefully remove the tube and bulb hanging from my chest. I feel like I can’t breathe deep and I’m assuming I have lymphoma…my arm is swollen up twice the size it normally is and it hurts like a bitch. I purposely didn’t take any pain pills today, just extra strength Tylenol…but slept most of the day. I had more energy on Saturday and Sunday and even went to Galveston on Saturday night for the Full Moon drumming and danced with another woman. I felt great, a little tired but nothing like this. I have wanted to come into my computer and write all day but the couch was calling me all day long. REad a book by James Twyman called The Barn Dance! OH MY….it is rockin my world right now. He claims this story really happened to him and that there is no such thing as death and we live in parallel worlds all at the same time. Very interesting read. Having recently lost my husband, it made me feel happy that I too may see him and be with him again. Many of my friends already believe this too.

Well, sorry this isn’t about my beliefs or book reviews but about my condition…and my condition is not well right now. I can move my arm up over my head now without grimacing pain but can’t put it behind me yet. THe swelling is so painful I cannot explain how much. The crawling inside my arms is still going on too.

Losing my lymph nodes is not going to be very fun..but at least the green dodo is out of me for now. I’m a little nervous about my appointment but so far I have been able to buck up and take whatever they dish out to me. I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet, I got a lot of stuff to do in this life and I love life way too much to give it up this easily. I’m a fighter …..I cry because my emotions are all messed up and this is just way too sad to deal with any other way…I’m watering my soul remember?

Saturday is Art Market Day and I plan on being there so please come by and let me show you my war wounds…pretty impressive scar after she heals up. And my fat arm…not pretty but I have to just deal with it. I read online that lifting weights and using a compression ball will help with the swelling. But losing my enegry is not fun..cause I still want to go go go…those that know me well know that I don’t sit down a lot except at this damn computer.   I will confess to being a crack book addict and I do love writing in my blog to you, my readers….but I don’t like this pain. Maybe I’m experiencing withdrawal from the pain meds…yes, that must be it. I was popping them like candy for a while there. Everyone told me to enjoy them but I didn’t like my head being all messed up.

So, if anyone has any ideas how I can reclaim my energy level, write to me, call me…help me….I’m going to bed now…before 10pm…cause I’m exhausted…not me.

Oh and I want to THANK everyone that brought food over for me…it has been a blessing because I don’t feel like cooking anything right now. And of course, easier on my pocketbook too.  And quite yummy….I would like to ask if anyone wants to come and visit, I truly appreciate any visitors, especially ones bringing food..lolololol…I’m no fool…thanks for the yummiest tastiest food ever…. And you don’t really have to bring anything to me but your love….thanks to everyone that has stood by me during all this which isn’t over yet…Thank you…Dear Friends….I love each and everyone of you.

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3 Responses to Not so Good Today

  1. Cindy Peterson aka Cindy Lou Who says:

    Hey Sam,

    I got back late last nite and am feeling really sluggish today. Something about the cabin pressurization makes me hurt and feel like i have cement in my muscles. I haven’t felt like talking yet today but I will give you a call later when I am fully functional.

    Sorry you are having a tough time right now. This too….shall pass. By the way, you don’t have Lymphoma, that is a cancer of the lymph system. What you have is Lymphedema, in your case, the condition that causes your arm to swell after the removal of some lymph nodes related to breast cancer. There is a massage technique that can help which you can do to yourself. It is basically holding your arm up and doing a light tickling type motion with your fingers down your arm toward your armpit. There are clinics that specialize in treatment of Lymphedema so definitely ask your doc about that. Don’t be surprised if you have to have your drain a little longer, it can be up to 2 weeks until the drainage slows down enough to pull it. Don’t want to pull it too soon because then all that fluid just builds up under your skin like a blimp.
    Just give yourself permission to rest and recover. Your body is telling you what it needs. Listen to it.

    • Hey Cindy, hope you are better now. YEs, I did put the wrong word there…so many new words in my vocubalry now that I wish I had never had to know about, don’t you? Went to the oncologist and now, I going to lose my breast afterall…and yet another surgery…I’m just not up for this yet….I’m still recovering from the last one. Hope medicaide approves my pet scan. I hear it is questionable but he thinks I seriously need one. I’m going to a Lymphedema clinic, my oncologist is sending me to one…they are all making appointments for me now. This is a real mess…so many mistakes in my case. I dont understand…and for once, its not me making them but at my expense. Not fair…there I said it.
      Well, I hope you are doing great. Tired to telling people what is going on with me. over and over again….I know you know wht I’m talking about. Keep the faith lady….thanks for being my new friend.Sam

  2. Leslie Sirag says:

    I think all that running & dancing so soon after surgery is catching up with you. You probably need to budget your energy for at least a few weeks–one play day, one rest day, or something like that. Listen to your body!
    Arnica is the best for any kind of swelling, bruising, etc.–DON’T put it on your incision, it will sting/burn–but it would probably help the rest of your arm. Any pharmacy with any homeopathic drigs will have it–look for the biggest uube of gel, rather than ointment — just less messy. Thin coat will do. Great stuff, but needs to be reapplied every few hours.
    If you can’t find any, let me know & I’ll send some. So glad there are people there to help–thank you all!
    And what’s today’s news from the doc?

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