All You Need is Love Sweet Love Its the Only Thing That There Just Isn’t Enough Of!! Love Sweet Love this was my first title…and I think its the sub title…
It’s Wednesday and today is my second biopsy at 9am….but lets talk about the benefit.
So many people came maybe 300….wow….little words wow….I was so just feeling the love and compassion. I kept being SURPRISED at the people who did show up. And Surprised at the ones that I thought would show up for me and didn’t….Some that I thought went to the other side of 19th Street showed up and came and hugged me and acted surprised that I was surprised that they were there… One year ago, I thought I had lost every friend in the world and some people did dish me, some that totally surprised me…people that I thought were my friends. I was shoved out of my life by sex and drugs someones elses problems…not mine…and felt so alone except for the few folks that stuck by me like glue. My husband died after an accident and he suffering for 9 long years and me taking care of him everyday. And I would do it all over again, I loved him with all my heart and soul and still do. The my life started changing, everything was going along well, I was finally happy again, considering I was as poor as a church mouse, no job, no income, well I just had gotten a part-time job checking groceries…shit shit…but my spirits and soul had been lifted by all the adversity,I had come out of the misery, I had grown spiritually. I had come out alive and such a better person….then BAMB…you have cancer Ms.VanBibber….well SHIT! Now I have to fight for my life AGAIN. Somehow, it’s just not right, it just not fair….then a group of loving friends stepped up to the plate and said, Well we can help you with one aspect of your life. We will throw you a benefit so you don’t have to worry so much about your financial situation! And we will shower you with the love that you and every human being on this planet deserves…and it happened. I’ve already mentioned this but you have no idea how that made me feel Sunday….and everyone had such a GREAT TIME too….my friends are my friends, we all love the same kind of things…live music, good art, baddddd ass art, some drinkie poo, conversation, and just having a GREAT time. Only thing missing was dancing…just wasnt enough room there but it was still a blast….Thank you all….I love you and I will always be there for you God Willing.
Now for some not so fun part…Today at 9am….pray for me…I will be getting a biopsy of the tumor which was never biopsied by the Rose or MD Anderson. I was diagnosed July 12 and today is Sept 8….yes, doesn’t seem right does it. Sunday, I spoke to at least 4 breast cancer survivors…yes survivors, and they all said the waiting is the worse part of this ordeal.Having this inside of you and not knowing how much and how far its gone it almost too much to bear. Thinking about dying, being deformed, not being a woman anymore…yup…those thought go through your head too. The agony…but you have to go through this to be alive…WHY? WHY does it have to happen at all? Each time I have to go to the Doctor or the hospital for something new connected with this, it is so nerve-wracking, I don’t even know how much it affects me till later in the day or night when I can’t sleep or I just feel sick or tired or irritated or anxious…the anxiety is awful. I’m jealous of the person that doesn’t experience all this….is there such a person? Do we ALL feel this way?
Well, its 6:08am…don’t sleep much past 4am…this is so sucky….I will get sleepy soon and then have to get dressed for the next horrible treatment procedure. and be miserable trying not to fall asleep when I’m suppose to be awake….WTF….