I just want to get the record straight here…my blog is MY sincere thoughts that run through my head. Uncensored…..I do cuss a little too much…but….its my blog and my head and my heart my body …!!!…. I’m sharing with you the reader. You can make ugly comments if you want too, it won’t hurt me but it certainly isn’t nice. I thought long and hard about even writing this down but I decided to do it. I bet a lot of people don’t have the nerve to open themselves up and share what is really going on in that noggin on top of their shoulders. I’m exposing my inner fears and tears and it is not for anyone to judge me, or criticize me. I’m only writing this so other people who are going through something like this know that other people go crazy in their heads and its okay. Writing it all down helps me sort all this mess out. You can send me all your comments and tell me off it makes you feel better. What’s the old saying, Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. So there…go for it if it makes you feel better. Or the alternative, is delete me…I do not care if you read this at all. THIS IS MY STORY and how I FEEL. Don’t tell me what to do or HOW TO FEEL or THINK….okay…nuf said….and if YOU are reading this, I’m sorry for your life, just don’t give up hope. it’s never over till the end and none but God knows that answer. Bless you…I send you love.
I have yet another biopsy on Wednesday next week…then I will be scheduled for surgery…and the last biopsy will determine just how much and what is to be done…so…I am trying not to worry about the outcome. I’ve looked at pictures of breast reconstruction and the outcome of the total removal….I guess I need to lose a part of me to find me….is that what this is all about?…if I lose my girls, I will have nice repros…..that is what I’m going to call them, my repros…but that may not happen…I just have to wait….waiting for tests…damn it…sometimes when I am writing this blog, tears stream down my face….as now. I have to grieve all this please people…get off my case….well one people…I live in my head way too much….but don’t you too? I give up to be alive.They don’t even know if its spread yet…so, I gotta stay positive…and I am..this writing helps me with my fears…I cry because as my friend said to me, Crying is watering the garden of your soul.
Lucille Ball said:Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.