Got so nauseated yesterday afternoon that extended into the evening…my ginger tea would not work. At 3am, I woke up short of breath, nauseated so badly, my head was hurting too. I went and looked up symptoms of heart attack in women and I knew that nausea was one of the symptoms….I woke up my roommate and she took me to Memorial Herman, where she works as x-ray tech. No, I did not have heart attack and no blood clots and Physician really didn’t know what to do for me but put me on a drip with nausea medicine and fluids, check my vitals, x-rayed my lungs and sent me home with nausea medicine. Went to 4 pharmacies, the generic equivalent was $69.00 to $57.00 for 10 pills….needless to say, I couldn’t afford to buy it…so, I’m just praying that it doesn’t come back. I have been getting nausea every day and usually the tea helps but not this time. The Doctor thought maybe it has something to do with my lymph nodes draining or not….I’m pretty swollen and hurt sometimes under my arm. I will be so happy when this is all behind me, you have no idea. I have Medicaid but the pharmacies won’t take it because I don’t have my official ID Card yet….red tape is everywhere when you don’t have insurance and are at the mercy of “The System”. I have already gone through all this with my husband, applying for Medicare and Medicaid and in and out of clinics, hospitals, nursing homes…you name it. I did everything I could for him to be comfortable and to recover and he died. AFter 9 long years…. I’m not ready to die…I have too much life in me and too much more I need to do on this planet. I’m so sad that I don’t have a partner or spouse to catch my back, I miss being a wife or a girlfriend. And I’m a damn good one too….I’m just so sad today. I am blessed to have a lot of friends but they can’t stop their life for me….I know that. I am fortunate to have a roommate that is my best friend. We are light years apart…she is young…I’m older…note, just older…I’m young at heart, mind,body and spirit. But I still long for that someone special in my life. I’m lonely in that way. I have plenty of things to do…but still wish I had someone who could stand up by me like I did for my husband. I loved him so much and miss him terribly. Okay, enough whining…I’m okay…and I’m gonna beat the shit out of this….Just give me a call once in a while or drop by to see me…I don’t want to lose touch with everyone. this scares the hell out of me.
Like I said, I’m writing everything I think and my feelings…so, you all that just read this got some real heart-felt stuff here….
Here is my goal…by May 2011, next year I am going to be driving my new Art Car in the parade. I am dedicating my new car to a Texas Female Artist, which I’m not reveling her name just now…no, I don’t even have a car but I will …the leopard mobile is close to her demise now…so, somehow I’m going to be in that parade with my new car all prettied up by ME…..SAM. I already have the design in my head…soon to be on paper…or maybe I’ll just wing it…whatdoyathink?